


fix me

by heatheninhiding



Series: eboys oneshots [6]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Non-Graphic Smut, References to Depression, References to eating disorders, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, sex as a coping mechanism, there's some hope towards the end though promis, yeah this is sad:(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:15:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25628809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heatheninhiding/pseuds/heatheninhiding
Summary: alex calls will whenever he needs to feel something.
Relationships: Alex Elmslie/Will Lenney
Series: eboys oneshots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1827814
Kudos: 58





	fix me

**Author's Note:**

> everything's already in the tags but still: trigger warning for references to eating disorders/depression/unhealthy habits + coping mechanisms, in case anyone might be sensitive to any of that <3 i don't go into THAT much detail but stay safe regardless

alex has grown dangerously used to laying awake at night and then sleeping the day away.

he'll overthink and forget to eat. he'll ignore his violently rumbling stomach, pleading for something inside it. he'll reread old text messages from exes who gave up on him. it's all in the name of self torture.

he can't help it.

he just wants to  _ feel  _ something.

**will**

_ will _

_ i need you _

_ can you fome over please _

_ *come _

_ course i can _

_ wheres george tho? _

_ went to his gfs _

_ please come ovwr _

_ right _

_ ok i'll be right there x _

will is being pulled down into a hard kiss before he's even had the chance to fully walk through alex's door. the shock only lasts a few seconds - this has happened before, enough times that he's used to it.

though alex is weak and frail, he still manages to pull will with him to his room.

"al - al, wait, come on," will pulls away from the kiss, breathing hard. "you 'ave to talk to me first. you can't just do this every time."

alex shakes his head so fast it makes him dizzy, world spinning around him in a way that feels almost painful. he's already fisting at the material of will's hoodie, desperate for it to be off. "no, please, will, please just - i don't wanna talk."

will sighs, hands resting on alex's thighs as he sits on the edge of his bed. "alex, you can't keep doing this, baby. you're just hurting yourself, you need to talk."

"no! i don't wanna talk! i want you - i want you to jus', make me forget about everything, just make it all go away like you always do.  _ please,  _ will."

there's a pause that consists of them just staring at each other - alex's tear streaked eyes, will's pitiful ones. then a defeated sigh leaves will's mouth, and he nods, leaning forward and kissing alex again.

it starts out slow but alex presses harder, brings will's body closer to his own. he lays down and will follows. they kiss and it's already working - alex can already feel every single thought leaving his mind, making space for nothing but  _ will will will. _ will's hands, will's mouth, will's eyes -

"don't look at me like that," he mumbles.

will frowns. "like what?"

"like you feel  _ sorry  _ for me. i just want… i just wanna pretend, alright? i just wanna pretend everything's okay, please don't look at me like that."

he pulls him back down into a kiss before he can launch into another one of his  _ but that's not healthy, alex  _ lectures. he doesn't want that right now. he doesn't  _ need  _ that right now. he just wants will, needs will.

alex always keeps his shirt on during sex, but not with will. he wants to be skin to skin with him, chest to chest, wants to feel like they're one.

when their clothes come off, will flinches, his eyes glued to alex's prominent ribcage. "fuck, al - have you been eating?”

alex shakes his head, but not in answer to his question. “don’t wanna talk about that. just want you, please, will.”

will wants to shake some sense into him, make him get some real help. god knows he's tried before, but alex does this every time. he always calls will when the numbness becomes too much, when he needs to feel something - just unknowingly piles his emotional baggage onto will’s shoulders, but will carries it all anyway, because he loves him to pieces.

will kisses him again, softer despite knowing that it isn't what alex wants - alex wants to be left in metaphorical pieces by the time they're done, he wants to be ruined, so that he can have a different type of pain to focus on that doesn't centre around his fucked up mental state.

but will can't bring himself to do it, can't bring himself to be rough with him when the boy underneath him just seems so fragile.

alex pulls away, looks up at will with desperate, pleading eyes. "fuck me, will."

will breathes out a shaky sigh, trying again to fight a losing battle. "you aren't in the right headspace, alex."

"i don't  _ care,  _ will! i just need you, i need you to make me feel okay again. please." his voice is thick with unshed tears.

"promise me you'll talk to me when we're done. promise me you'll let me help you. you have to  _ promise  _ me, alex."

alex huffs, nodding. "yeah, okay, promise, just - just  _ please,  _ will."

will knows he's only saying it in the heat of the moment, just so that will can finally get on with it, but he takes his word for it anyway. promises himself that he'll hold alex to it.

he opens him up slowly, keeps his lips pressed to his cheek, his jaw, his neck. he doesn't let himself dwell on how much thinner, how much smaller alex has gotten, shoving that thought away - only for now, though. this has gone on too long, and will promises himself he won't let alex destroy himself any longer.

he sinks into him slowly, no matter how much alex begs him to go faster and harder. he intertwines their hands and presses them to the pillow, leans down to kiss him when he starts to move.

alex moans into his mouth, a soft, broken sound that makes will want to hold him close. tears stream down his face, and will wipes them away the best he can with his other hand.

alex arches up into him when he comes, earth shattering whine filling will's ears. he pulls out, not wanting him to be riddled with oversensitivity. he kisses him through it, hand still entwined with one of his.

"thank you," alex mumbles, eyes barely open.

alex shakes his head when he suggests a shower, so will uses a damp towel to clean him up.

"you promised me something," will says gently, once they're both underneath the covers. "didn't ya?"

alex shrugs. will sighs.

"you promised me you'd talk to me. so talk to me."

"i don't know, will. i just - i don't  _ know." _

"that's fine," will says. "you don't have to know. you just have to let me help you."

alex turns to him, "you  _ do  _ help me."

"sex isn't help, alex. you can't just keep using it as a way to cope, or to forget - "

"i'm not - i'm just," his eyes are welling up with tears again, whatever he wants to say catching in his throat and staying there, and will pulls him against his chest.

"i'm gonna make you something to eat, alright? i'll eat with ya, if that helps?"

alex feels hesitant, but he nods anyway. anything for will. "kay."

"and you're gonna get help,  _ real  _ help," he strokes alex's hair gently, "and i'll be with you, yeah? george, too, and james. we'll all be right there with you."

there's a silence, and alex closes his eyes, allows himself to soak in will's presence. the idea of getting help isn't appealing in the slightest, but he knows he needs it, and he trusts will with everything he has.

"i love you," alex mumbles, the words muffled against will's chest.

"i love you, too, al," will kisses the top of his head, "you're gonna be okay."


End file.
